If I Should Die...

Most of you will never see my last will and testament. Legal documents such as those are generally reserved for private viewing or reading by lawyers and the immediate family of the deceased. However, for all intensive purposes, you may all assume that I will request the following:

1. Cremate me! - I've never liked being cold on the ground so why would I want to be cold in the ground? I hate grass and dirt and would rather be dust than be dusty, which means I don't expect anyone to keep me on the mantel either. Feel free to scatter my ashes somewhere interesting. Take a vacation and let me loose in the ocean, climb to the top of a volcano and toss me into the wind, throw me into a hot spring and let me swim around, etc.

2. Do NOT have a service for me - I've enjoyed as much church as I can stand in one lifetime and would rather not leave anyone in charge of having to make a decision about the facility in which the service should be held, the songs that should be sung, nor the flowers that should be purchased. I'm not a heathen by any means but I don't particularly care for much church music, I'm spiritual and not religious, and there are about two different kinds of flowers that I can actually stand to receive as gifts and, admittedly, they are rather expensive for the average person. I'd also rather not run the risk of having a random minister officiate over my services who is unfamiliar with me, my religious beliefs, or my level of patience during long, uninteresting services. I may not be there in body, but my spirit will have no problem showing up to interrupt any shenanigans that it deems inappropriate (I will HAUNT you!!). 

3. Do NOT mourn too long - Most days, I'm a pretty cool person that's respected, liked, and maybe even loved. But, no matter how attached you think you are, it is never worth it or healthy to mourn someone for too long. Take a moment and think about who I was; remember that I've never feared death and, in a morbid sort of way, I've always looked forward to it. My idea of paradise is unlike anything I could ever find on Earth and only God and I can design it the way I've always imagined it. Assume that I'm quite content planning and plotting every detail of my afterlife the same way I did in my life only this time, I've got The Designer Formally Known as GOD helping me with the plans for my purple room in His house.

While these ideas are by no means new, they came to light again yesterday at my grandfather's memorial service. I was reminded that weddings and funerals can often be about what others want for us; the big, overdone, grandiose celebration of life and love and living. But, what about what the desires of the person(s) being celebrated? Think about the couple that wanted a simple wedding on the beach surrounded by their closest friends and family members. Should they have to pay for 300-plus people to eat and drink at their expense and waste their hard-earned money on four hours or more of entertainment and debauchery? Think about the plain man or woman that chose to live an underestimated life. Should they get a hip-hop artist-style send off complete with shout-outs, whaling baby mamas, and passed forty-ounce bottles of malt liquor that get sipped and poured out for the homie?

When in doubt, remember the words to an old poem of mine:

To whom it may concern, I died a peaceful death
For I loved and too, was loved, right up until the end...
To whom it may concern, I laughed before I died
Those thoughts that often plagued me so, I held well deep inside...
Though you may be concerned, I beg you mourn me not
For death is but a start again from your mortal finish spot.