Weight Loss Journal: Realization #1

Realization #1: I'm not fat! I have to accept the fact that no matter how much I joke about being fat or fluffy or having a huge ass and thunder thighs, I'm not actually fat and there are people out there that would kill to be my size. I complained to a coworker one day about being bloated and she put things into perspective for me by stating that she wished she was "my bloated". I thought about it for a moment and realized that to a person that has more weight to lose than I hope to, even being bloated at my weight is better than being an altogether larger size.

The truth is that I'm just not my ideal weight and I have a horrific fear of ending up overweight like all the other women in my family. I'm afraid of my own genes and afraid I won't be able to fit into my size 6 jeans for much longer. 

It may come as no surprise that someone with fears like mine has always had health and eating issues. I hardly ate during high school, put on a significant amount of weight during college then, partied and puked off the pounds post-graduation for about 2-3 years. Now that my party days are over and I'm ready to settle down, I've fallen into a funk and allowed myself to gain much more than I ever anticipated. 

For now, I'm healthy and in a healthy weight range for my height but still dangerously close to the high end of that range; too close for comfort. So, I'm taking control of my destiny and calling Mother Nature's bluff. I refuse to get fat gracefully. 

I'm not dieting, I'm getting myself back on track; bringing myself back to happy from a very unhappy place. I'm going to tell myself every day that I'm not fat, I do like working out, and I don't have to comfort myself with food. I'm about to be a wife and my husband, faith, family and friends will be all the comfort I need.